Go! Stop The Abuse!
July 30th, 2008 by taylorblueI think abuse in relationships isn’t talked about much. Why? Because people might be embarrased about it? Afraid that they might get hurt talking about it?
I was in an abusive relationship, it will be ten years ago this weekend that I left it. I am very open with my experience of how I decided to pack all my things at 2am and take my daughter in the middle of the night to the local women’s shelter. I talk about it like it was a part of my life. I will never forget it. I was a strong enough person to look beyond the death threat that was placed on my head if I ever left and left.
You know I tried to chicken out half way through but then I would have been up all night putting everything away. It was then or never. Was I scared! Yes! I had called the police to come to my house so I could leave without my husband trying to keep my daughter. I had to put my fears aside and get out of the house to keep us safe. My husband said that he came to the house about an hour or so later after we left and didn’t even realize we were gone…See why it was better that I left?
What makes me upset is that there will be doubters, thinking I am making this up to get attention. But I want people to know that you can do it. You can leave that abusive relationship and be safe. The road hasn’t been easy…I still sometimes look behind me thinking I am being followed. I’m not sure if that feeling will ever go away. But I was strong enough, even though I was only 23, to do it.
What do you need to stand up for?
Well, I’m not a doubting thomas Taylor. I’m glad you were able to leave and never go back. So many women get stuck in that abusive cycle and just can’t seem to get out. Sometimes, they even return to the relationship after leaving!
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I don’t doubt either Taylor. And while some may be surprised that someone usually so naive and apparently weak can do something that calls for such courage, I don’t.
You are an Aries, ain’t you? Aries have limitless courage to face risk and danger, the resilience to bounce back from the most adverse circumstances and the zest for life and “live in the present” inclination that allows them to heal quickly and have faith in life always.
You my friend are a true Aries. Except for one thing I’ve noticed. You tend to get a bit too concerned by every one else’s opinion. That’s not us. Drop that, and you’ll get social peace of mind.
Well done to you.
Yawn. Another of the ‘alternative’ folks. Pagan, comments. Now.
so let me get this right - 1/12 of the population all exhibit these characteristics eh? no they don’t. but if you give someone positive traits they are hardly likely to say ‘no I’m not ambitious, no I’m not intelligent. what nonsense.
Now I am technically an aries. I have little faith in life.
Also Hitler was an aries. He hardly ‘bounced back’ did he. He shot himself. As for ‘zest for life’ erm he committed genocide. Hardly a zest for life- more a zest for death.
Vincent Van Goch was an aries- his zest for life involved opiates and absinth to escape that.
Eric Clapton- zest for life- erm bad junkie. Heals quickly- no he doesn’t he still cries daily for his son. Terrible tragedy.
need I go on. Bottom line- its a load of hogwash.
that what you were looking for dictator?
I am putting myself forward as a capo in your organisation.
Stud, you have not disappointed me today.
But you bored me yesterday. It seemed to me I started a conversation on Elizabeth’s post. Do you have trouble with my English? Is it too oxfordish for you?
You have five minutes to try to regain my interest. After that, Scarlett O’Hara is turning into Rhett Butler.
Oh enlightened disciple!
You demonstrate such typical Aries fire!
Arise and Shine Pagan.
erm I’m not aries
I was lying
see- its easy this horoscope thing!
Yes, I am an Aries… and the comment was at Urban…for some reason he thinks I make up everything…
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
not everything at all TB
just the ghost thing. thats all.
you notice samantha on the ghost post who told us about orbs forming to resemble humans- erm she’s not posted them up. I wonder why??
just for clarity I don’t believe you’d lie about this at all. Or make it up.
Urban has a heart… thanks for clarifying…
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
Good for you Taylor! It was probably the best thing you did in that “relationship”.
Many years ago, I helped an aunt move away from her abusive husband. She was only 23 too.
She took her 9 month old daughter with her only for her soon ex-husband-to-be to abduct her. He then took their daughter out of the country and left her in India for many years. He refused to reveal her whereabouts despite a court injunction, finally ending up spending 9 months in jail.
A few years ago mother and daughter were finally reunited.
Taylor - I am sure that feeling of being followed will go away soon. Maybe even from today now that you have shared with us
Arvinds last blog post..Lessons in Life and Leadership from a 90 year old!
This is my dictatorship. You can’t just barge in and comment. Introduce yourself Arvind. Now. Are you a police officer.
your auntie must have really wound him up Arvind. What had she done to force him to take such measures? Dinner cold? Ironing not done? Talking during the football?
She didn’t share her dole money with him
arvinds last blog post..Lessons in Life and Leadership from a 90 year old!
’share’
that implies he let her keep some of her own money
thats when the rot will have set in
Well done Taylor, you took a massive step which many others are simply too scared to take.
And I can’t imagine why anyone would think you are making this up? It’s hardly the most glamorous of lies is it?
It is exceptionally hard to leave an abusive relationship and it’s easy to knock those that don’t but they don’t for a reason. They are in emotional turmoil, feel guilty (for absolutely no reason other than psychological abuse), feel like they have let themselves down, have no money and above all are absolutely scared shitless.
Its a massive achievement Taylor and one you should quite rightly reflect on and refer to.
You talk with a certain authority Elizabeth, quite knowledgeable about the victim’s situation apparently. Were you a victim or an abuser?
Now.
And your name must be Elizabeth not Lib. This is a dictatorship. Mine. I have ruled.
Lol.
No and sorry.
You, I definitely like! Maybe I’ll consider being Rhett Butler. Pagan has started boring Scarlett O’Hara a bit.
I know the made it up comment is aimed at me Taylor. However it is well documented that these things happen so it is entirely palusible that this did happen. Bad situation. What did you do to get him so angry?
He was cheating on me Urban and he didn’t want me to find out…so he kept me in the house controlled…
That’s a very rude comment Urban…and yes the made up comment is about you!
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
if I may another question and I’m not being rude at all- just genuinely interested. seriously.
why do you think he cheated on you? what weren’t you doing for him at home? can you cook? are you clean and tidy? do you let him watch sports without interruption?
thats not having a go just wondering. I am sure he didn’t want to cheat.;
I was at home for him all the time…he made me stay there…he liked to drink…I didn’t like to drink so much, so he would go to the bar and go home with the girls. I have proof…people told me all about it after I left him.
There was a day we were at the beach swimming with my best friend. He tried to drown my daughter in the water so I would have to stay on the shore with her. Well, while I did that he did it with her in the water in front of me. I know it happened because when I approached him on it he called me the B word. Yup, GUILTY!
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
do you still speak to your best friend?
and gload you got proof- it makes future actions much more justifiable.
I don’t talk to many people from that life anymore…I moved 3000 miles from where it all happened to help me move on…
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
Taylor, you don’t have to answer each and every of Gary’s questions. You don’t have to justify yourself. The details you are sharing are very private. Consider that people who know you may be reading this. Or your own daughter. Think before you write such private details.
Gary, stop now…
I said I was open about it…don’t worry if I thought it was offensive I wouldn’t answer…he knows that too..
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
apologies but I thought that as its posted up here it was to encourage discussion. I didn’t mean any hassle.
Cheers for sharing TaylorBlue…
This makes flowers so much more real.
Bravo and thanks for the courage in posting something so close to you yet again.
From the heart TaylorBlue
Taylor bravery and commen sense wins out over the fear… you did well… and should be proud of yourself as I am sure we all are for you…
its hard to get through, but worth it in the end…. and these days I am sure your daughter would be thanking you for taking her away from the life she might have had…. even if she cant remeber it… just look at her and you will see its worth it..
I dont understand why these women go back or even stay, my sister did it for year… and all her relationships seem to end up the same way but thats anough story…
Its far better all round for the adults and as much for the kids to be out of that kind of situation..
well done you
aussiecynics last blog post..who cares? not me!
It was the toughest thing I did in my life…leaving him….but it made me so much stronger knowing I had the courage to do so.
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
As for me I believe you and know well of the fear that is involved with leaving an abusive relationship. When you make the choice, really make the choice to finally leave…something from somewhere comes up from within to give you the strength to GET OUT, before it is too late.
So many women stay trapped in the cycles of abuse and it’s sad….but your story will help others…sometimes people just need to know that others have survived and moved on with their lives to muster up their own courage to leave!!!!
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That is true…that night I was so scared to live in my house I knew if I didn’t get out of there that day..something bad would happen. That’s what happens when you follow that gut feeling that people usually ignore!
Taylor Blues last blog post..Gary Dourdan…Some Things Can’t Be Unseen!
Your instincts are usually right - the human race has survived for many years, much of that survival success down to instinct.
Urban would probably say yep instinct and i-pods! lol.
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I don’t think enough people follow their gut…it’s there for a reason…
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true Taylor
althogh the primary role of the gut or stomach is to in fact store excess food
And also the place where most illnesses stem from, often due to emotional & dietary issues.
Stress also develops as skin ailments. Even stress in infancy that is significant and not taken care of develops into skin ailments into adulthood…boy, do I have a dermatogical history!!! What stress does in terms of physical disease is amazing.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Darth Vader Plays Golf!!!
My taking a stand is making comments today!!
Taylor Blue I really admire the courage it must have taken you to do what you did. It is actually a bit painful for me because I wish that my mother would have had that type of courage to get us both out of a similar situation. Her first marriage was also abusive. I am so proud of you for all that it took you…and so many people do go back…such inner strength and protective spirit for your daughter.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Darth Vader Plays Golf!!!
Thanks…it was something I really had to do. I was so afraid to lose my daughter that the only way to save her and myself was to leave. I’m glad that I had the strength that night to be able to do it. It’s really hard to break away from that stuff.
Yes, I have seen so many be unable to make that move which is why what you did impresses me so much!!! Many can learn from you.
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I hope so…that’s why I shared this…
Taylor Blues last blog post..New The Dark Knight Stills Released
Agreed TaylorBlue,
Many will learn from your posts and many of the comments that follow…..it’s incredible how much we’re learning about each other over the last few months….oneday we’ll all get together for that sponsored group hug
then again there is a lot to be said for making the relationship work. too many people give up too easily at the drop of the hat. thats why society has gone to ruin. its the one thing the muslims have right. if a woman tries to run out it will be over her dead body.
now I’m not saying that women who leg it should be done it- not at all. all I am saying is that rather than run off why not address it head on. your only running away from your problems. not saying this was the case for TB but who knows what may have happened if she’d listened to her hubbies needs a bit more? you may have been able to save the marriage and keep your husband happy in one easy lesson.
Urban I tried to make the marriage work for 2 years…I was stubborn to even leave sooner than that. My daughter was badly being abused, so I should stick around and see if she seriously gets hurt? I think if you are in an abusive relationship you can’t work it out. It’s not safe.
Taylor Blues last blog post..New The Dark Knight Stills Released
An abusive man is an abusive man with serious issues and it really doesn’t matter what the woman does because psychologically he would find some “excuse” for doing what he did. It is never the womans fault. Yes, there are things that she can do to make it better, but it would be at the expense of her own well-being. Bottom line…one must get help and/or out of an abusive relationship because they can often be deadly.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Darth Vader Plays Golf!!!
please CC that should surely read an abusive ‘person’ not ‘man’
its not just men who abuse their spouses you know
as for it never being the womans fault- I fail to see how you can say that unless you know every case. blanket sexism here kids!
Sorry Pagan, I only said man because the discussion was prompted by TB. I know men are abused and that is an even more difficult manner. I don’t need to know every case. But, it is never okay for anyone to abuse someone else, no matter the situation. It becomes that person’s anger management problem. Abuse is about power and control. Often the abuser, although they don’t show it, feels or has felt powerless or small in their life, so then makes their victim feel as they did or do. That is how the abusive cycle works in the case of child abuse and rape a well.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Darth Vader Plays Golf!!!
There is no sexism here. I would come to your aid if you were being abused emotionally or physicially!!
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Darth Vader Plays Golf!!!
fair enough never knew that. I hope your ex has been fed feet first into a mincer. he sounds horrible. and your ex best friend should follow him.
It wasn’t something I was going to reveal…but I tell you working it out is usually the first thing a woman wants to do…but sometimes it takes them too long to realize they should have left for safety reasons.
Taylor Blues last blog post..New The Dark Knight Stills Released
Oh and by the way, we’ve decided to remove the THORNS tag at flowers - feedback has told us its condescending and creates a divide in the garden so the tag in no longer - all are welcome - all learn from each other……
Nice one!
The feedback came from Urban so we listened…..the comment sparring often leads to people digging deeper such as TaylorBlue, Clinically Clueless and co do as above….all part of the ‘inspiration’ category that keeps it real here.
Thanks for trusting this space to do that folks.
**Taylor Blue you filed this post under ‘general’ originally and reading the thread we’ve stepped in and added ‘ inspiration’ to it - hope thats cool and the gang with you**
I had debated about that…but it’s all good in the hood!
Taylor Blues last blog post..New The Dark Knight Stills Released
OK coolio
I have a gay couple as friends (thats my quota done) Taylor that got into a fight and one of them came off quite badly.
They both went to hospital but because it was two men involved in what was still a domestic abuse situation, no one wanted to know.
Shocking.
So, that’s sad when they can’t say it’s a domestic situation…
Taylor Blues last blog post..New The Dark Knight Stills Released
Well it wasn’t that they couldn’t say, it was more that the staff in the hopsital either didn’t want to know or didn’t want to go down that route.
However, if it were are man and a woman, it would have been the first conclusion.
Those are often the most hidden cases of domestic violence of all and have the most amount of shame involved. At this point, we will probably never know the real numbers because it is so significantly under reported.
ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Darth Vader Plays Golf!!!
I bet the y were going at it fists flying.
no idea about the attack though
Bum bum.